And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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