All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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