I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
