I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
