Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
