just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
