Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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