i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
