meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
