I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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