how can u be prego again
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
