It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
