good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Quick, to the slutcave!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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