I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
