You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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