what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
