weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
