also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
