Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
