Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
