I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
