...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
