mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
