i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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