i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
