I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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