dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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