There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
