Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
