All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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