Your dad touched me again.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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