New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
