Your dad touched me again.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
