Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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