So drunk its hurt
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
