i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
