I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
