I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Randomize
