I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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