if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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