you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
