just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize