Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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