Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
