If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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