stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
