Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
