Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
