walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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