I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
third nipple confirmed
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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