We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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