How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
