I think i sorta joined a cult last night
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
