I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
