The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you would pick up someone in the library
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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