I'm gonna have a badass scar
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize