I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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