im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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