filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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