i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
