dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
