You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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