After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
