The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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